I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
