Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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