How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
