actually, I'm a sock model
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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