forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
His nipple licking is glorious
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