Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
