I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
