I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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