WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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