the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
