i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
