I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Can I color on your dick again?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
