I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
