there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
When did angry sex become our thing?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
God I need to hump something, right now.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
