My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize
