And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
