a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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