My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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