Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
