pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I want to be your penis for a week.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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