I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
