what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
