then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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