i barfeds in our rink
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
