And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
