My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
