I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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