I like my sex mixed with concussions.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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