i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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