My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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