I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
