Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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