Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize