And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
