you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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