Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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