I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
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