.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
