i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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