So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
