Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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