I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
