The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
