so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
