I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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