I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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