Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
