Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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