I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
