No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
