bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
